Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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