Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
