AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
