I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
