the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
