Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
