who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
