but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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