I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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