i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
