I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
