Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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