When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
