I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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