The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
