I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
