i wish peter jackson would direct porn
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
