I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
