Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize