I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
