I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
