Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
