Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
