there's paper in my vomit.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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