jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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