Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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