so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
