I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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