theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
