he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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