Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
