he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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