Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
