i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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