If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love accidental penises.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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