Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
