that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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