Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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