That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
