And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
