I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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