toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
