Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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