We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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