it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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