I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
