What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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