Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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