omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ugly people sure do ruin things
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize