How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
