I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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