Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
