Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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