That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
