Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
