The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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