Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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