I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
