So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
