She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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