This house was built for laser tag.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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