Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
