my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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