Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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