Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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