it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
