I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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