I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Randomize
